Senses Fail - The Fire

First Listen Through (October 19, 2010 11:09)

I don't like it.

Re-listening tomorrow

Couldn't get it any better than this

Before I post this video, I want to say something. For anyone out there who is reading this. If it's you who are reading this. I'm not doing anything ridiculous with my life. I'm an open book and sometimes being an open book, your pages flutter, your words are jumbled. Every drop of rain, or coffee, or spit, or tear that drops within my pages and makes the ink blur and jumble my words. But one thing I have to admit is that this monologue hit the nail for me.

I don't want to ruin it, I really don't. But there's a part in the end where the character admits something. I want you, yes you, to know and under stand a few things.

I share sentiment with the character. But I am not that character. I'm not where that character is, and I don't think I would be able to be where he is. The character and myself share a lot, but we deviate and I am who I am while he is who he is. Why am I saying this. 'Cause the video I'm putting up isn't a reach. It's isn't a plea. It's a glimpse. It isn't me. But the words he says. Does a good job summing up my life from 2005 till early 2009.

Where I am now is funny. 'Cause this character could have been me. I feel more like shrapnel. A loose piece of metal from a bigger grenade. I feel as if I was tossed into the Pacific, when I was fished up in the Mediterranean. I'm lost. But don't worry. If you're worrying. I may be lost. But my heart isn't. And that is all that matters to me.



If you haven't read my previous entry, you didn't miss much, or maybe you did?

Why the fuck does Fred have a movie?

Yea, I know, "How did you not know that there was a Fred movie?" Sorry
my life is a little to bland to realize this. From what I get Fred's
girlfriend moves away and he flips a bitch shit. I can only wonder why she
left it wouldn't be easy to live with a human being such as Fred. Maybe that's just
me but yeah, I hate that fucker. Christ. If you don't believe me
and you haven't seen it go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUD6DjQCkuc . Not
my favorite way to spend money, but apparently you have to rent that horse filth.
life just got worse with people like Fred getting popular. There's no effort.
is this what we're reduced to? I mean shit.
just look at this film. At least his high squeak voice is out of the picture.
getting used to that is simply impossible. But what really makes this movie
worse. than how I made it seem is the fact that.. it's gonna make money.

Fuck
my
life.

New layout, new blog

Hello. It's my Mum's and Bro's birthday today. Happy birthday to them.

So yeah, as you can see, new layout. For whoever is looking. Yep.

I'm planning a few blog projects, check it out:

Yoel's Top 10 Guitar Players of All Time.
This is a list of my top guitar players that just baffle me. This may be a vlog, but that depends on a lot. This project needs a lot of research so don't expect it anytime soon.

Yoel's Top 100 Guitar Players List.
Now this here is subject to change. I love guitar. Even though it isn't my favorite instrument it's one of my passions. It's a compiled list of my personal top 100 DESERVED guitarist who I believe deserve honorable mentions. The majority is all well known and all but still they deserve mention. Since this will be an extensive list I've decided to split my option on how to tackle this..

1)Dedicate a probably 100 days to write and display images and video about said guitar players prowess. Wrapping up with why I personally believe they deserve to be honored.

2) Do 10 Vlogs through the course of a year. The problem with this is that it takes more time to set up, and I wouldn't break that much of a sweat without an actual audience to present it to.

Why I hate religion faggots (ie: born-again Christians, Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholics, Evangelicals, Christians, Mormons)
Not trying to start a shit storm. I just don't like these people and I will be explaining why

That's it for now. Thank you.

Filler

Didn't finish my new post so.. stalling time..

This is sometimes all I'm hearing when it comes to some of the music I hear. But no matter how "hard" or "rich" some of these rappers or pop stars are, this guy tells it like it is. You can't deny his rhymes and message. Be hypnotized!

Ok, I'm not going for a "bad white hip hop/rap" but this one's got what Tupac's been trying to saying for years! The worst part is, this is a real organization. Good luck, you dumb twats.

This man is a true Lothario. Get this guy a beer.

I apologize..

..for my last post. The grammar (as brought to my attention by my lovely hunny) is horrendous. I make Tara Gilesbie's work look like a masterpiece. at least I was coherent.. ish. It was a post dedicated to my baby brother. No harm done anyway, only wha-- 3 people read my blog? So yeah. I've been pretty busy studying to be an EMT. Not easy stuff. Easier than being a physician, but still not easy shit.

Anyways, I going to post my  next entry Friday. This time I'm going to do a couple of lists. Since I'm a big fan of High Fidelity I'm going to start a top 5 thing. I know I won't have EXACTLY 5 to pick, so if I have more there will be like a runner up situation. Who knows, I might do it on video (edit:not). So yeah. Cheers.

The Brotherhood _oel

Weird weird week. I've got finals to study for that I'm barely studying for, Chapters to read that I've barely been reading and shit to buy without any income (well, my credit card is eating up every cent). But I'm keeping above water (barely) and turning to my loved ones for some motivation, especially my muse who's ignoring me to watch her show, but her laughter is uplifting.

It's the little nuggets in life..

No I'm not going soft, I wasn't that hard (that's what she said. ..wait). I'm just taking in a lot from life. I've been trying to slow everything down. Taking in every detail. Remembering why things are where they are, why important things are important. Then it hit me. I miss my brother.

He recently moved out so It's been weird without him. The relationship between my brother and myself isn't anything special compare to other siblings. I think if anything, it's typical. Two brothers who've fought since they were little have grown to understand and respect each other and occasionally have fun nights getting shit faced drunk while babbling bullshit philosophy, ways-of-life, and psychology (and beer, women and video games) is, on the surface, what we were.

My brother is roughly 3 years younger than myself. I have full conscious memory of when he first breathed air, kicked, and adorably yakked all over himself. He was a loud dreadful noise that could only be calmed with attention. I'd carry his smelly little ass everywhere not because I felt like a parent, or even because he was a baby and couldn't crawl fast enough for his prematurely developed legs (now the fucker towers over me, I wish I was premature :\). I carried him because I wanted to teach him everything I knew and wanted him to see everything I saw. I never considered myself highly advanced or developed, my girl can vouch for my stupidity. I can't (don't want to) go into it. Especially since it has nothing to do with anything right now.

I was never a thin dude, so the scrawny little guy he was, would poke at my portly self. Which one day ended with me knocking his tooth out with a pillow once. And let's not forget the months of playing Super Mario Bros. 3's arcade either. I'd play as Mario and he was Luigi and I whooped his pale ass into fits. (sigh) I miss those days.

We used to watch The Rescuers: Down Under, the sequel to the first, all the way till the VHS tape ran out. Since we had our volume set to high (without any disregard to neighbors or other tenants in out Brooklyn apartment. Bad Asses as we were) there would be nothing but loud static, which would scare the little bugger so much he got up and ran towards our parents room, this was before he could walk, or even stand properly.

What teaches babies to run, and fear!

I even remember the fictional hamster story. How one day, the first floor tenant came up to our home and gave us a hamster, a hamster my brother then flushed down the toilet. A complete and utter lie. But I would tell him this every time, trying really hard to sell that story. He may deny he believed it, but I know he did.

I could go and embarrass him more, but that would just be hitting below the belt. So I'll leave it to the tame shit for now.

(ahem) Mama's boy..

When we moved to our new town in Long Island, NY, he started a little paint ball platoon. I never really caught on, but I knew they'd have weekly matches and tournaments in this beloved town's Alan Diesel's backyard.

Alan Diesel. Local Hero, Part-Time Gynecologist and Chuck Norris wrangler 

I don't want to toot anyone's horn (that and it's not sanitary) but my kid brother was creepy good at it. Ha, I totally forgot I photo shopped that Alan Diesel picture. Though I didn't edit this one, I did take the picture.

Alan Diesel doesn't walk into trouble, he is trouble

When I was going through my down moments and had drunken fights where we pummeled each other. He still forgave me. The jerk that I was and he forgave me. I don't think it's because we're brothers, but mostly cause he also understood what I was going through. I'll never forgive myself for it, but I'm glad that I can be forgiven for it. My human error was animalistic, I'm happy that I've been able to rid that side of myself.

Picture of the distant future or date fail?

He has grown up into a man of taste, who does what he pleases and enjoys every second he can. One thing that I think rubbed off on me was his ability to not give a shit, about relatively anything. He does have feelings for things and cares for people obviously. But there was this maverick attitude about how he decides to live his life and interact with people. But let me make somethings clear. He's not a bad ass. He's not a jerk. He's not a fool nor can he be linked to one. He's not inconsiderate (entirely). He's not a hating or jealous individual. And he's not petty, unreliable or (entirely) useless. He is hard headed, stubborn, short-tempered, snarky, narcissistic, humorous,  forgiving, thoughtful, reliable, incorrigible, hopeful, sensitive, and..

Main Entry: ¹jerk 

Pronunciation: \ˈjərk\

Function: noun

possibly the biggest jerk I've met besides myself. Noel, you're such an asshole, and I miss you.

I miss you Jerk <3. And I'm keeping your TV;)

This guy.. is un-fucking-believable!

Keep on moving

I haven't gotten anything done. I'm kind of happy I have no audience here 'cause then I would have been pressured. He's the skinny..

I want to do the beer blog but here's the problem, no beer. Well the beer exists it's just that I don't make even enough money to enjoy beer, sad right? Now this isn't a call for money, I've just got caught up with bills and work has been slow, so sorry.

Music is taking a new turn. I originally had a kind of "schematic" as to how I was going to approach my music with my band. But lately things have changed and we're taking it quite slow. I still plan on working really hard though, and I'm hoping for to have at the least 3 songs by September. Originals that is.

As for shows, that's still under wait. Going to preform a private party (for bassist Nick of my band and of Level 9). Going to have either pictures or footage. Any shows after I have no idea. Sorry again.

So Mars: I don't know what has happened to this project. I unfortunately haven't been able to keep contact with them and they haven't with me because of my phone situation. Going to email them throughout the week and see what's going on with that.

Guitar projects: I don't have any pictures of the progress yet neither on my Iceman or on  the '72 Tele Thinline I'm constructing with Warmoth. That's strictly do to lack of money.

I've been doing mediocre lately with my personal life. I've lost my temper today actually but luckily it was short fused. I'm actually on the toilet right now, but I figured I'd get one update in. My new goal is to have one update a week. Let's see how that goes, hopefully I'll have what it takes to keep it going.


What keeps me going

Cheers

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li part 01

FUCK THIS MOVIE! FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT!

SHE DOESN'T LOOK THE PART!

SHE CAN BARELY SPEAK MANDARIN!

IT'S ALL DOWN PLAYED AND STUPID!

More when I actually finish the movie..

I love Alex/St.Patty's day revenge

So I finished watching Gundam Wing and while talking to Alex..

Yosswell says (4:02 PM):
 Quatre
 ?
Alex says (4:02 PM):
 ya...
Yosswell says (4:03 PM):
 he was the sympathetic one
Alex says (4:03 PM):
 he was a fruit cake

Haha.

So yeah, I'm to Chili's with a few friends to celebrate St. Patty's Day since we couldn't 2 weeks ago, should be interesting. Going to start my blog-o-beer, the night of, if I'm not to toasted, goo'day mates.

Introduction to Beer Blog/First Entry Postponed

Happy St. Patrick's day to all you Irish and celebrators alike. I am not of Irish decent, but what an interesting holiday this is, eh? Now here's the skinny..

Unfortunately for me, I've come down with an illness which my allergies have not helped in any way. The blog would have entitled I go to a pub (or purchase the beer), give some history on it, taste it (if I haven't already) and give some of my personal views on it. As you can tell, this is more like a field journal, not really meant for entertainment. I'd like it if anyone (heh) out there has tried it to give me their opinions on the beer, or to go out and try the beer for themselves. I don't advertise my blog and, as much as I need it, I'm not doing this for money. I love beer, and I want to share my love for beer. I love music too, but it seems there's too much opinion on music as well (though I occasionally would review a CD or two). So, why am I postponing this? My ailment makes everything I taste taste like cardboard and mucus. So I won't really enjoy the beer nor use my tongue to search out any specific characteristic (if I could) about the beer. So what I'm going to do is this..

Next week (hopefully I'll be at my finest) I'm going to have a small get together with my closest friends and buy 3 cases of the beer of my choosing (obviously of an Irish brand). And we're all going to give each a taste and then I'll post our "reviews' onto here. Again I know no one is reading, this is for myself, my friends and anyone interested. Thank you.

Cheers.

Update: I just taste the beer, in case I could enjoy anything and.. nothing, sorry.

Update 2: I'm going to call my event "St. Patty's Revenge" more on it later.

Migraine prevents sleep, Nasal Congestion is the culprit

(thanks to spillmagazine.com)

Currently listening to Ohbijou - Beacons

It's late, i got very little very little work done, these past couple of weeks have been.. awkward.

I haven't played music to sleep, but I'm  currently in a position where it is hard to. So I decided to play this while I try and rest.

My phone has been deactivated, so for anyone who's been trying to reach me I'm sorry, I'll have it running soon.

A lot of thoughts floating in my head, I don't know how to pour them out (without making a mess).

I'm trying to change and adjust myself. I don't mean to be a different person, but to better my mannerism. For me, your life is like a skill, it takes practice to hone it to your liking. Improve your worst aspects and maintain your best.

Getting my beer blog ready, should be a nice thing to do (hobby wise) I rarely drink anymore. Nothing wrong or anything, but I just kind of lost interest. I enjoy one now and then, but I don't really have the time like I used to. I'm kind of running out of time on something specifically, and I'm trying to not just enjoy it, but make every moment last a lifetime. I don't want to get into it any further than that.

Just.

Hold on to everything that meant anything to you, until it doesn't want to be held onto anymore.

Cherish it.

Cheers.

The funny thing about everything..

..and anything is that you're (for all extensive purposes, anything referring or pertaining to "you" isn't direct at you or anyone. It's passive in the sense that it can be related to anyone. For example, if I were to state, "You are never doing anything," I am meaning, anyone is never doing anything. I'm being broad, I hope this helps. Oh! And FYI, I'm mostly talking about myself, mostly) always learning. You're never the best at what you're doing nor are you any good. What are you then? What are doing then?

Dodging bullets.

You can be absolutely amazing and something and still mess it, it happens everyday. I have a kind of "idea" of how life works. Some may call it a philosophy. I'm going to make it as simple as possible for anyone to understand:

Things are always happening because of other things.

That's it. I could go into huge depth and detail and give tons of description with charts, maps confessions the whole shebang! And you could say, "well that's obvious!" But it gets more complicated than tha--

wait.. this wasn't my intention for this entry. Another time.

I've realized I'm always learning something. Whether new or something I already knew. One can blame the years of abuse with alcohol, or plain Ole "You're a fucking idiot" (by the way, that hurts), but it happens all the time. I've been lucky with everything I've done in my entire life. I don't mean I have luck, I mean I've had opportunities that due to forces within my control or not, where things have been pretty good. But I've gone through a hell of a lot of bullshit too. You take the good, you take the bad (you take 'em both and there you have the facts of life). 

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Constant edits, re-thoughts, and working on my mom's computer has left me numb. I guess what I'm trying to say is..

That no matter how much I mess up and fuck up, and do things that hurt or upset you, I promise you they're not on purpose. I don't have any excuses for my inability to express certain things, ideas, or feelings, I just want you to know that I'm still trying..

..Pat Morita, I'm still trying. You've been nothing but an inspiration to me, and I just want you to know that I miss you.

(Image from http://www.fairfielddowntown.com)
RIP
Noriyuki "Pat" Morita
June 28, 1932 – November 24, 2005

Brixton: Somber

This is totally my new hat. Brixton just released their spring wear and this is the one I like most. It's similar to my Castor hat from Brixton, only rugged and cozy looking. This is totally mine in a month or two..

Or maybe this one..

(Images belong to Brixton )

The Beer Blog

I've decided to actually come up with something interesting, I'm going to start a beer blog.
This blog will document my journey and education through the world that is beer. I'm (currently) not an alcoholic, I just enjoy this beverage to the degree where I want to learn more about it and share with the public my spoils. I am aware that there's too many beers out there with microbreweries everywhere. This isn't a toll. I'm not out to "Catch 'em all!" I also want to note that I am no authority. I just drink the stuff, and I know what I like. With this said I will start this blog with my all time favourite commercial beer. I will post the first blog on St. Patty's day. Keep in mind also that this is actually starting as a physical representation of a journal and I'm going to port the information onto the blog. If I can find a sort of "grouping" system on blogger, to group all the beer blogs together then I'll keep it here and hopefully won't have to start another blog. See ya.

Edit: Whoa, after publishing the post, I ran a spell check and I didn't get a single word wrong. Win.

Edit: Grammmar.Fail.Corrected.

So yeah..

I don't really know what's going on with the shirts. The director kind of flaked out on me. (Never called when inspection time came, or showed up). I also don't feel entitled to show off anything that aren't going to end up nor that I own full rights to. But if these become shirts of any sort I'll just release the info. Had band practice today. No class tomorrow. Going to stay home and read/organize. More later, not really in the mood... Who cares.

A month later and still not getting it right..

It's Feb-First and I haven't done ANYTHING right. I keep getting annoyed at nothing. Which only screws me over 'cause when I'm really annoyed at something, I kinda get shrugged off.

Some good news (slightly). Recently I teamed up with an old High School friend to design T-shirts for his clothing line. He has a Hip-Hop/Rock group called 808 (eight-oh-eight), and they're pretty good. If anyone out there is reading this. I'll post a link of the band and some of the rough sketches and design on here when I can.

Sweet it works.

This is a test of blogging from my mobile.

"Do something fun"

Here I am at my girlfriend's apartment, (I'm not used to saying those words in that order, or even realizing their effects) whom I just got off the phone with, warming up last week's Cheesecake Factory 21st birthday (for her, not for me) Shepards Pie. "Do something fun," she said as she hung up the phone. What do I do for fun? I don't remember.

I don't know who's reading my blogs, if anyone does at all. But for the passed few weeks, I've been kind of down. I'm (practically) 23, I don't have a bachelor's let alone an associates in anything. I live in my parents house. I'm practically unemployed (teaching 7 year olds guitar isn't as profitable as you may think). And other than being awarded a credit card and increasing my credit limit I can't find one accomplishment I've made lately.

Life isn't always about accomplishments, it's about living. I don't feel like I'm living well. I don't have a major focus, unless there's high market for bartending-diagnosing-musicians out there who isn't well versed in either three anyway. I just see everyone else around me doing things, things that will (might) lead to better things. I don't see myself being successful in anyway.

I'm a boring bastard. I like to watch movies, play a few videogames (sorry, not really a gamer), eat, play music, listen to music, "enjoy a drink now and then" (I've been listening to nothing but Radiohead and dredg), and hang out with my lady. That's pretty much it.

[Continued on January 19th 2010]

I don't know anymore. It's like.. I can't explain it. I'm miserable. Absolutely miserable. I try not to let it show, but it's growing more and more each day.

I've been on a diet. Seriously this time. It's almost a vegetarian diet. I haven't eaten meat in 3 days. I'm also avoiding sugar and salt. I still consume thing (it's practically impossible for me not to) but I have them at such low amounts. If something naturally or is purchased with salt or sugar, I leave it be (some salads), but I will refuse to add anymore. I don't even put them on eggs or fries, I just pepper 'em. I also avoid oily foods like fries, but the diet isn't so intrusive where it Nazis what I eat, I merely pick and choose, and every so often I'll have a small amount of fries.

I'm also on a wallet diet. I don't spend any dime unless it's gas, bills, or emergencies. Which sucks, but these are the new rules for me. Hopefully if I do this well by the end of January I'll feel a lot better. Hopefully by sticking to my goals, saving my money, losing some weight, I'll feel better.

I'm still miserable, and I've been trying really hard to keep a stiff upper lip. You have no idea how many times I force a smile. Though some are genuine, but a good few are purged where I almost pass out from thi-- I don't know! I just almost pass out from trying to show happy. Maybe I am doomed to be a miserable piece of shit.

I'm bringing this to a close.

Twilight: New Moon

What the fuck people, seriously? This is a movie?
I gave it a fair shot (I'm serous). This is a movie to you people!?
And I like shitty movies. This is horrendous.

Welcome 2010

So it's New Year's and I'm having a shitty one. Pretty much boring, nothing to do, sit around and do noting situation. I got no money, so I'm stuck at home, not to mentioned it snowed randomly in the night. It's 1:something, it's the new year and my girl signs online from her house and says,
"The sky decided to wake up and cum allover, and made sure it had to be be stiff cum, so that it'll stick, and make it extra hard for the windshield wipers to flick it off."

I still don't know how to react to that.

Happy New Year
(Christ 2009 sucked)