A Response to a Confession

This is for someone special, but if you feel you can relate and this helps you, then it's for you too.



Dear !@#$%^&*,

Your confession is very touching and heart warming. It would be a complete lie if I told you I know what you're going through. I would also be a bigger asshole if i compared what you went through to someone else's predicament. This is what I have to say to you.

You need to find Jesus.

If you don't know my sense of humor by now let me inform you. That was a joke.

Your confession is terribly honest, and I'm really sorry you went through such a time. What really got me was that you understand that these actions you take aren't just hurtful, you seem to feel pitiful. Sex can be a very exquisite experience, but you seem to attach the taboo's society has placed on sex and hold them to heart.

It's unfortunate that you lost your virginity in such a horrifying way. I even remember speaking to you after it happened, you sounded proud. I don't know if you remember, but I was worried as fuck. We grow up in a time where if you keep your virginity when you're young, you're a prude and a bore, but when you're older you're revered and admired. The complete opposite for those of us who lost it early.

You then go and talk about your adventures with filling the void within yourself (not a euphemism). That was literally hard to read. My heart was throbbing, I was almost scared to continue. But you have to look at these events as a part of your past where you grow and learn from them. Everyone's got their demons and if we didn't have them we wouldn't learn what demons were.

You've developed habits or defenses that you shouldn't have. You shouldn't use sex as the reason to keep someone. Sex should be earned, planned, spontaneous, fun, and stress relieving. As for hooking-up, it's a biological need. Sex is in our programming as humans, as long as you practice it safely you should enjoy it. Hook-ups are a very popular practice nowadays so don't feel ashamed.

I can't speak for your current relationship. But if you hold these negative feelings about your relationship, it will fail. I can't guarantee it, but it can't help your relationship if you're using sex to keep it. It's possible to have sex in a loving and caring way (I call it thanksgiving). You're not boring or uninteresting. And you are special. I don't surround myself with boring people. I can't stand doing that, it aggravates me. So you are special. I'd give you a hug, but this is the internet, and that's almost impossible. I hope you read this and get something out of it. I tried to be vague-ish, not like anyone will tie this to you, but for anyone else who may need such words.

Bottom-line: you're unique, and you're still growing and learning. Don't beat yourself up for what you've done in your past, you'll get nowhere that way. You know I'm here for you, along with all your other close friends. So, to put it lightly. Quit being a whiny little bitch. ;)

Love, Yoel (the douche-bag) <3

What I've been up to..

Hello reader,

As you've noticed. I haven't been around. If you decoded my secret message you'd also understand why. For those who haven't, or didn't want to bother, I lost something very important to me, and it's getting harder and harder to get back into rhythm.

Now don't be alarmed. I'm not going senile, or going to do or have been doing anything irrational. Besides my emotional and little bits of my mental frame, I'm perfectly alright. You wouldn't know anything was different about me unless you treaded into territory I don't allow anyone to enter.

Now some people, know what has happened. Thankfully, they've done nothing but been there for me, but unfortunately, I'm still stuck..

Lately, to try and distract myself, I've been trying to keep busy. But, for some reason, whether it's karma, nature or the God I've cast aside trying to fuck with me, I'm surrounded by so much of my loss.

I'm not even kidding, I know people find "meanings" and when you avoid something it rears it's ugly head since you'e hyper focused on avoiding it, but no. Everywhere, it's haunting me.

So yeah, I've been keeping busy. Volunteering my time for everyone and everything around me. Unfortunately, one thing I didn't count on, it all backed up on me. Now I have a huge of list of commitments I signed up for that I cannot commit to. What makes me laugh, is, that no one gets that I'm trying to distract myself. The world is so obsessed with itself that they can't see that something is wrong with me. I know I have my moments of selfishness. But, one thing I'm grateful for, is my reasoning. I made a vow to myself early last year to appreciate as many little things I could. I had appreciation for things that I not only took for granted, but that I merely didn't know was around me. Supporting me. Literally.

But the problem was.. that due to this new "hyper-sensitivity" to everything in my universe, when I lost what was important to me, I felt worse than I ever had.

The thing I lost, I've lost before. On times where I thought I would never get it back. But now, it's just breaking me. It's, dare I say it, tearing me apart.

So to the reader reading this now, tomorrow, next week, long after I've combined with the universe, please know. That everything, is the best thing, ever.

'Cause she always was.