What I've been up to..

Hello reader,

As you've noticed. I haven't been around. If you decoded my secret message you'd also understand why. For those who haven't, or didn't want to bother, I lost something very important to me, and it's getting harder and harder to get back into rhythm.

Now don't be alarmed. I'm not going senile, or going to do or have been doing anything irrational. Besides my emotional and little bits of my mental frame, I'm perfectly alright. You wouldn't know anything was different about me unless you treaded into territory I don't allow anyone to enter.

Now some people, know what has happened. Thankfully, they've done nothing but been there for me, but unfortunately, I'm still stuck..

Lately, to try and distract myself, I've been trying to keep busy. But, for some reason, whether it's karma, nature or the God I've cast aside trying to fuck with me, I'm surrounded by so much of my loss.

I'm not even kidding, I know people find "meanings" and when you avoid something it rears it's ugly head since you'e hyper focused on avoiding it, but no. Everywhere, it's haunting me.

So yeah, I've been keeping busy. Volunteering my time for everyone and everything around me. Unfortunately, one thing I didn't count on, it all backed up on me. Now I have a huge of list of commitments I signed up for that I cannot commit to. What makes me laugh, is, that no one gets that I'm trying to distract myself. The world is so obsessed with itself that they can't see that something is wrong with me. I know I have my moments of selfishness. But, one thing I'm grateful for, is my reasoning. I made a vow to myself early last year to appreciate as many little things I could. I had appreciation for things that I not only took for granted, but that I merely didn't know was around me. Supporting me. Literally.

But the problem was.. that due to this new "hyper-sensitivity" to everything in my universe, when I lost what was important to me, I felt worse than I ever had.

The thing I lost, I've lost before. On times where I thought I would never get it back. But now, it's just breaking me. It's, dare I say it, tearing me apart.

So to the reader reading this now, tomorrow, next week, long after I've combined with the universe, please know. That everything, is the best thing, ever.

'Cause she always was.